Become a phoenix from the ashes

Depression is a worm hole. I used to think it was a black hole, but I was mistaken. Nothing ever comes out of a black hole.  The way I experienced depression (and everyone’s experience will be different) is a journey mixed with periods of stagnation. It was a long dark road, but I truly believe there is a light at the base of every worm hole if you choose to seek it. The reason I imagine depression as a wormhole is because you enter this mind spinning vortex with no light. You feel yourself spinning around and around but it is all in misery. It is easy to accept that your position in this world is set to be in the middle of this wormhole.  I can’t see an exit, so I guess I’m stuck here! However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Making the effort in the wormhole is unimaginably hard. To think you have no hope but still motivate yourself to move in a seemingly aimless direction is something I struggled with for so many years. It all started with my desperation to escape...

I have had social anxiety for most of my life. Looking back at my school years I can see it in myself despite me not understanding what the emotions were or where they stemmed from at that point. I feared speaking to people, which is so utterly toxic. As of today, socialising with people is my greatest source of happiness. This is symbolic of my overall turnaround as a human being. The way to battle social anxiety, and it is a vicious one, is to slowly take small steps in the right direction. Slowly exposing yourself to increasingly “scary” situations. Start off by taking a train journey, having a one on one with a close friend, or simply having a walk. It is important to bear in mind that you need to know your limits. If you are in a dark place and instantly attempt public speaking, this can prove to be traumatic and counter your development. Slowly building up your confidence and comfort in situations via everyday tasks is the key. For me antidepressants have made this a lot ...

I take a variety of medications. It took me a while to convince myself to, but I would never turn back. The brain is a structure comprised of 86 billion cells, incomprehensible complexity. Every single brain is extremely different, just think how many variations of 86 billion there is mathematically. Chemical imbalances are going to be present, and if that is the case why wouldn’t you want to correct that? I originally hated the idea of antidepressants “changing” me, changing my brain chemistry, changing me as a person. However, after using them for half a year now I’ve realised this is me. My brain for whatever reason wasn’t producing sufficient serotonin, I was a shell drowning in depression and anxiety. The side affects were tough at first but pushing through them was one of the best choices I ever made. Now I am happy, confident, and have the motivation to be better every single day. If there’s one message that I want to get across in this post its this, don’t be afraid t...

 Emotion can be likened in many ways to a stock on the market. The fluctuations can be frantic at times, however investment most likely sees an overall positive trajectory. Investment includes simple everyday things such as getting outside even on walks, talking with friends or whatever gives you happiness or purpose.  It is important when your stock is falling not to despair. The knowledge that stocks are volatile and will inevitably rise once again is useful knowledge for it provides hope, even when your stock has reached its lowest value.  Invest. invest. invest, and revel in the long-term gains of the value of your stock.  

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUngLgGRJpo A video here which is used as a metaphor for drug addiction in rehab centres. I think it creates an effective picture of the importance of not getting reliant on certain substances.  One of my vices in alcohol, I get the high for the night then the next morning feel awful. It sometimes creates a cycle as I feel hungover I drink to offset the withdrawals and then feel even worse the next and so on.  That effect is what the video describes and it's important to keep in your perspective if you struggle. The acknowledgement that this is short term and comes at a cost.

It is crucial to externalise your emotions.  Therapy has been one of the key pillars in my development. Expressing your emotions verbally, having a different perspective shone on your thoughts and someone empathising with you is essential.  This doesn't have to be a therapist it could be a friend, mentor, parent or even a stranger. Embrace the feeling of warmth you have when you share your emotions with another human being. Let it wash over you and generate bliss. This shines a spotlight on the importance for men in particular to talk. Keeping everything in is not a sign of strength. You are blowing up a balloon more and more until it will inevitably burst in the form of a lash out. This may perhaps not be directed at anyone involved even. This has the potential to destroy relationships. Speak to someone, reach out. It may just save your life.